What makes a three-month situationship hurt more than a relationship? A deeper dive |
That talking stage that felt electric. The nights that blurred into long conversations, playlists, and “what are we?” texts. When it ends, you are left wondering why something that never had a label hurts like a breakup. Three-month situationships have become the new heartbreak genre: short, intense, and painfully addictive.In a viral Instagram post, British relationship expert Oloni (@oloni) reflected on why these undefined connections can sting more than real relationships. Her post struck a chord with thousands who agreed that situationships can bring just as much emotional attachment as official dating, sometimes even more. According to psychologists, it is the uncertainty that heightens emotional investment and deepens the pain when it all collapses.
The illusion of potential in a situationship
One of the hardest parts of a situationship is the constant “what if”. You are not just mourning the person, but the version of the relationship you imagined. In official relationships, there is structure, clarity, and often a clear ending. But in a situationship, it ends with confusion, no closure, no explanation, just silence.The brain tends to fixate on unfinished business. Studies on attachment theory show that lack of resolution keeps people emotionally hooked, replaying moments and conversations in an attempt to make sense of what went wrong. That emotional ambiguity often hurts more than a clean breakup.
Emotional investment in a situationship without commitment
A situationship may lack titles, but it rarely lacks intimacy. You text daily, share vulnerable stories, and maybe even meet each other’s friends. Your emotional energy gets poured into someone who feels like a partner until they suddenly do not. That emotional mismatch is where the pain really begins.Experts say the brain releases dopamine and oxytocin, the same bonding chemicals seen in committed couples, during emotionally intense but undefined connections. When the connection ends abruptly, it creates a withdrawal effect similar to a breakup, but without the validation that it was a relationship.
The fantasy effect that fuels a situationship
A situationship often thrives on fantasy. You are drawn to their potential, not just who they are, but who you think they could become. Without real commitment, you are free to idealise them. So when things fall apart, it is not just the person you lose, it is the imagined version you built in your mind.Psychologists call this the “illusion of intimacy”, where emotional closeness is mistaken for long-term compatibility. That illusion amplifies the hurt when reality breaks it down.
Why a three-month situationship hurts more than a breakup
Three months may seem short, but in today’s fast-paced dating world, that is enough time to form powerful emotional bonds. You are probably spending hours chatting, sharing memes, and checking your phone every few minutes for a reply. The frequency of contact makes it feel like a full-blown relationship, even if it is never labelled as one.The abrupt ending, usually with vague excuses or ghosting, leaves no room for emotional processing. You do not get to say, “We broke up.” You just quietly grieve something the world never saw.
Healing after a situationship heartbreak
The best way to heal from a situationship is to acknowledge that your pain is valid. Just because it was not official does not mean it was not real. Unfollow them if you must, mute their stories, and resist the urge to decode every text. Focus instead on regaining emotional balance.Reinvest that energy into yourself, your friends, hobbies, therapy, or journalling. As Oloni often reminds her followers, closure is something you give yourself, not something you wait for from someone else.Situationships are the modern paradox of dating. They promise freedom but often deliver confusion. They make us believe we are in control while emotionally unravelling us behind the scenes. Yet every situationship teaches something valuable: how you love, what you need, and what you will never settle for again.So, if your three-month whirlwind left you heartbroken, remember, it does not make you weak. It makes you human.
