Parenting Tips: Why Perfect Parenting is a flawed and (dangerous) concept |
A far cry from the way millenials have been brought up, today’s kids have everything on a platter. Right from the most elite schools, to the most expensive gadgets, and the latest toys, they are living the “dream life.” However, the parents who provide these comforts too, juggle a lot of hats to create a “perfect” childhood for their kids, sometimes losing themselves in the process. However, in the world of social media, the desire to “do everything right” is unparalleled. What happened to parents themselves learning as they go along, making mistakes and taking a lesson (or two) from their kids as well? The concept of perfect parenting is not only flawed, but in some cases, dangerous as well. Let’s dig deeper..Perfection is an illusionHuman beings are inherently imperfect, and that includes parents and children. (and that is okay too!) No parent will always make the right decision, never lose their temper, or perfectly balance every aspect of their child’s development. It is just not possible, and just creates undue pressure on both the parent and the child. Here’s how…Social media menace: These often showcase only the good bits, creating a distorted view of family life. Parents see perfect homes, perfectly behaved children, and endless vacations (it is a different story in real life) leading to comparisons and feelings of inadequacy.
An influx of info: A wide variety of literature, videos, and even self proclaimed “experts” offer conflicting advice, making it seem as though there’s a secret formula to raising flawless children. (there isn’t) This can create confusion and intense pressure to follow every guideline.Past expectations: Many parents carry their own unmet expectations or anxieties from their upbringing, thrusting them onto their parenting style and striving for an ideal “life”What comes out of itThe pressure to be a perfect parent can have severe repercussions on parents’ mental and emotional well-being. Here’s howPhysical and mental tiredness: Constantly striving for perfection requires immense effort, leading to chronic stress, sleep deprivation, and physical and mental exhaustion. Parents feel they can never relax since there is always something to be done.Mental health issues: The feeling of not being good enough as parents can trigger or worsen anxiety and depression. Parents may experience overwhelming guilt, self-doubt, and a sinking sense of failure.Sucks the joy out of it: When parenting becomes a performance or a list of tasks to perfect, the inherent joy and spontaneity of raising children can be lost.Alienating feeling: Feeling constantly inadequate can lead parents to withdraw from the society, fearing judgment from other “perfect” parents. This isolation further intensifies feelings of loneliness and stress.Impact on childrenWhile parents are the direct targets of this pressure, children also suffer the consequences. Here’s howAnxiety: Children of “perfect” parents may grow up feeling they need to live up to herculean standards. They might fear making mistakes, which can disrupt creativity, risk-taking, and genuine self-expression.Lack of life skills: When parents try to protect their children from all difficulties, failures, or negative emotions, children don’t learn how to cope with adversity. Such kids grow up to be extremely troubled adults, who are not used to navigating life on their own.Curbs independence: Overly controlling or “perfect” parenting can prevent children from developing a voice of their own. When every decision is managed and every struggle is dealt with by parents, children don’t learn critical problem-solving skills or self-reliance.
Suppression of feelings: If parents don’t encourage their child’s “imperfect” emotions (like anger, sadness, or frustration), the kids may suppress these feelings, leading to emotional difficulties later in life.Creates toxic relationships: A parent chasing perfection all the time may become overly critical or controlling, leading to resentment and distance in the relationship. Children want to pick flawed imperfect parents over robotic parents anyday.How to embrace imperfectionHere’s how to move away from the dangerous concept of perfect parentingStay “real”: Children need parents who are real, flawed, and capable of admitting mistakes. This teaches them humility, empathy, and resilience.Self-compassion: Parents must learn to be kind to themselves, accepting that they are doing their best and that mistakes are part of the learning process.Focus on connection, not control: Prioritize building strong, loving relationships with your children based on trust and understanding, rather than treating parenting as a “job” that you need to get right all the time.Be a (healthy) role model: Show your children how to deal with stress, disappointment, and imperfection in the healthy way, rather than not displaying these emotions at all. This is far more valuable than presenting a (flawed) illusion of flawlessness.Seek support: Talk to other parents, friends, or professionals who can offer a realistic perspective and remind you that you are not alone in your journey.
