What does ‘Pocketing’ mean in a relationship?
We are living in the age of the Internet and social media where anyone can dig out the past, present and future of a person. If you want to know what’s going on in someone’s life, just check their different social media profiles and you’ll get a glimpse. Today, even love and relationships have an audience. But imagine what happens when one partner keeps the relationship hidden. Avoiding posts, and introductions, and treating you like a secret part of their life? Now this entire process in modern dating is called pocketing.What is pocketing
Pocketing is a situation where a person deliberately hides their partner from the important people in their life including family, friends, or even social media. It actually creates an image of keeping something valuable “in your pocket.” But don’t get it wrong completely as it doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is not committed or there’s no love in the relationship. It signals that one partner is withholding public acknowledgment of the relationship. But it can definitely leave the other partner feeling unimportant, insecure, used or left out.Now imagine this: even after dating for months or years, you see each other almost everyday, but you’ve never met their friends or family, none of them. They keep sharing pictures with their friends, drinking coffee or pet love—but they completely avoid you on social media. These things are hurting you and when you voice your opinion, they simply dismiss it saying, “I’m a private person,” or “I don’t like to mix my personal life.” While individual privacy is a valid point, consistent secrecy is a red flag and can’t be ignored.Why do people pocket
There are several reasons why a partner pockets. Understanding the cause can help you decide if it’s something that can be worked through, or a sign to walk away.Commitment issuesSome people pocket their partners because clearly they are afraid of commitment. They don’t want to make their relationship public which means like taking the relationship too seriously or taking it to another level. Introducing you to their circle or posting about you might make it a “real affair” which scares them.Keeping options openIn less honest cases, pocketing can also indicate that the partner is not completely dedicated or is still exploring other options romantically. Keeping the relationship under wraps allows them to avoid accountability.Social pressure
Sometimes people are afraid of getting judged. Maybe they worry about what their family or friends will think. There might be different reasons such as age differences, different background, profession differences, or lifestyle. It’s painful, but it does happen, especially when social expectations are high.Personal boundariesNot everyone likes PDR, public display of relationships! Some people are genuinely private and keep their romantic life separate from their social or professional life. In these cases, pocketing isn’t about shame or secrecy—it’s about maintaining boundaries.Tied to their exesIf someone is still emotionally tied to an ex or hasn’t moved on completely, it resolved past relationship baggage, they might “pocket” a new partner.How to know you are being pocketed: The signsYou can tell with certain behaviors traits such as:Even after months of dating, you have not yet met any of their friends or family members.They don’t post about you or mention you on social media.They stay away from those spots where they have a chance to run into people they know.They get uncomfortable when you bring up the idea of meeting any of their close people.These are some of the important signs of pocketing and should not be taken lightly when in a relationship. It’s important to note that everyone’s comfort level with public displays of affection or social media exposure is different. The real issue is when you feel like you’re being hidden deliberately and there is some emotional distance.The emotional impactBeing pocketed is a real pain. It can make a person feel isolated, alone and emotionally distressed. This is one of those conditions when a person starts questioning their self-worth or the authenticity of the connection and much more. It can also play with a person’s self-esteem and cause future trust issues in a relationship. It can also create anxiety and overthinking—wondering if there’s someone else, or if you’re not “good enough”.What to do
Communication is the key. Don’t go silent. Instead of accusing, talk and tell them how it makes you feel. Talking can open the door to understanding. Maybe they’re not ready, or they have some real issues. Understand, you deserve to be with someone who’s proud to have you in their life and that you matter to them.Pocketing is more than just a modern dating issue. It’s more of a behavioral issue that shows deeper emotional dynamics in a relationship. After all, love isn’t meant to live in a pocket, it is meant to be loved, shown, and shared.
